Late-Night Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's prominent hosts devoted the airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration program, called the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... spoils all he handles."

The subject was the new program that enables overseas citizens to buy U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" tier for 5 million. The program's portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"A quick note here to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers amid economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to address affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.